The Reciprocity Manifesto (In development)

“A Touch of Reciprocity Magic”
When you think and act reciprocally, almost immediately three magical things begin to happen – Firstly, you feel good about yourself and those you work with. Secondly, they feel good about themselves and those they work with, and finally, just when you least expect it (because if you expect it, it won’t happen), those that you work with start thinking and acting in ways that help you to be successful.

Partnerships need more ‘Reciprocity Magic’!

Reciprocity as ‘a focus on the other’ represents our ability to move away from an exclusive focus on our own perspectives and seek to understand the perspectives of those we are in partnership with.

When it comes to partnership success, it works like this…

“We have our own ideas about every aspect of our partnership and that’s great. However, we recognise that for the partnership to be successful, it is critical that we understand the thinking of those we seek to be or are in partnership with.”

“Other-Discovery” is the practice of reciprocity. At the simple level, the practice involves asking two very straightforward reciprocity questions…

“Please, tell me what YOU think?” and “Why is it that YOU think this way?”

The complexity of the practice becomes apparent as we seek to maintain this ‘other’ focus. In other words, it’s simple enough to ask the questions. It’s a much more complex practice to actually care about and use the answers we get to shape our future thinking.

The ability to act reciprocally is fundamental to the on-going development of in-depth shared understandings and shared agreements: the foundations of sustained partnership success.

Partnership ‘Other-Discovery’ is an ongoing purposeful exploration

Learning everything we can about ‘the other’ in our partnership is important. There are however, ‘other-discoveries’ critical to the development and maintenance of shared understandings, shared agreements and partnership success.

Here is a list of our top five partnership ‘other-discoveries’

1. Partnership Purpose: Why are we in this partnership? What is it we want to achieve together?

2. Partnership Expectations: What is it we individually and collectively expect from this partnership? What expectations do we have of our respective roles and responsibilities in the partnership? How do we each expect this partnership to work? What will the outcomes be if the partnership is successful?

3. Current Status: From where we sit in the partnership, what do we each see happening now? How would we each describe what is happening?

4. Current Status Analysis: What aspects of the partnership do we think is working? What aspects do we think are not working? Why do we think that might be so?

5. Options for Moving Forward: What options do we have to move forward? How can we achieve our partnership purpose more completely or consistently? What do we need to do next?

Important Note: Never assume you know! Remember our perspectives are in a state of constant change. Other-discovery and the development of shared understandings and shared agreements are continuous processes of exploration and confirmation.

As a practice, ‘Other Discovery’ is seldom a planned or strategic act. In most contexts it is more about “Winging it and making it up as we go!”

Developing meaning and understanding about anything can only be regarded as probabilities and possibilities, or indicators of a limited view, at one point in time. These concepts defy being known, predicted, accurately measured or controlled. They are not rational, logical, and ordered, but irrational, illogical, and muddled concepts.

When we engage in the process of other-discovery our intent is to:
• Look at, understand, learn from, and respond to what is happening NOW!
• Be aware, be flexible, be immediate, be better, faster learners from what just happened”.

We are literally “winging it and making it up as we go”!

Our other-discovery mindset is focused on exploring and expanding both the scope and nature of our understandings. Instead of trying to find the one ‘best’ answer, we seek to increase our view of as many possibilities and probabilities as possible. The more people involved more often, the more possibilities and probabilities we have to inform us.

Reciprocity Practices are the conscious actions we can take to help us maintain our ‘other-discovery’ mindset

In the day-to-day realities of any business partnership, keeping our mindset focused on understanding what our business partners are thinking and why they think that way is a constant and complex challenge. Meeting this challenge requires a conscious and deliberate practice – a reciprocity practice.

Important Note: Developing and maintaining a reciprocity mindset is not something you can learn about and immediately just do. It is a ‘practice’ – a practice in the sense of an activity that is done repeatedly to help bring about a desired experience. Derived from understanding deep principles, it is not a recipe so much as a meditation. It requires constant repetition, over years, with the realisation that one will ALWAYS be learning.

Reciprocity Practice 1: Approach all conversations with no result in mind, but with the sole intention of developing deeper inquiry, wherever that leads.

• Concentrate on asking questions and developing new insights rather then providing answers and solutions.

• Celebrate difference in perspectives rather than promoting ‘one best’ point of view.

• Suspend our certainty and listening to the views of others with an open mind and open heart, rather than getting trapped in defending our existing positions.

“Zen Master Jizo said that ‘not knowing is the most intimate thing.’ Not knowing means to be open to all eventualities, to not prejudge a person or situation. If your mind is full of preconceived notions, there is no room for an unbiased view. It is like when your hands are full of objects – you cannot pick up anything new. A closed mind causes separation and suspicion. Like an umbrella, a mind is only useful when it is open”. (Tricycle.com)

“In most interactions, we take a defensive posture. We try to defend the brand, or our turf or our job. The problem with defense is that it’s static. The best way to get smarter, to embrace and to cause change and to triumph in times of market turmoil is to ask yourself… “what do I believe that’s wrong? How can I change the way I do things? What works? What doesn’t?” If you enter a conversation looking for something to test, measure and ultimately change, it’s likely you’ll find it…On the other hand, if you enter a conversation concerned about maintaining the status quo, it’s likely that this is exactly what you’re going to do…Confirmation is cheap, easy and ineffective. Restlessness…creates a culture of testing and inquiry that can’t help but push you forward.” (sethgodin.typepad.com)

Reciprocity Practice 2: Continually create opportunities for the emergence of collective insight.

• Seek to create a ‘collective sensibility’ where the thoughts, ideas and resulting actions belong not to one individual but to all together.

• Encourage all to see how their own unique perspective can make a value contribution to the collective wisdom of the group

• Focus on creating, developing and maintaining shared-understanding and shared agreements.

“People who are collectively attuned to more inclusive, less fragmented realities tend to be able to more readily find high-quality common ground and shared energy, often in ways that feel more like the Whole is working THROUGH them or AS them.” (Tom Atlee)

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There is little doubt that bringing ‘reciprocity magic’ into our partnerships is a formidable challenge.

It challenges us to overcome our conditioning to seek self-interest through self-discovery, self-advocacy and self-promotion.

It challenges us to overcome our conditioning to find the ‘one right answer’ using logic, order and control.

It challenges us to overcome our conditioning to expect that we can instantly know and do.

Finally, it challenges each and every one of us to confront our deepest and strongest conditioning every time we open our months. It challenges us to hold back from the conventional, ‘Let me tell you what I think’, and move comfortably to the eccentric, avant-garde, quirky, surprising and artistically innovative…